Janet and John (Almost) Get Engaged

One fine morning John was rummaging through the kitchen drawer trying to find some wood glue to fix the Wendy House when he came across a plastic ring from an old Christmas cracker. Aha! he thought, Now I can ask Janet to marry me!

 First of all he had to find Janet. Was she in the garden? Was she in the bedroom? It would be good if she's in the bedroom...., he thought slyly. No, she wasn't there. Where could Janet be? He then remembered the smallest room in the already small Wendy House. Janet, are you in there? he said, banging on the door.

Of course I bloody am! said Janet, tetchily. She hated the way John always disturbed her when she was trying to get a moment's peace and quiet to herself. After all, he never allowed her to disturb him when he was doing his business, so why was it ok to disturb her?
What do you want? she snapped.
- I wanted to ask you if you'll marry me, said John.
- Before or after I've finished my business?
- Preferably after, said John.
- What's it worth?
- A plastic ring.
- You spoil me rotten.
- I know.

Since this was now decided, John thought they should celebrate.
Come on Spot, let's go to the pub!

When Janet had finished, she flushed, sprayed and carefully washed her hands, before exiting in a waft of eau de toilette.
John, where are you? Spot? John? JOHN? IF YOU'VE GONE TO THE BLOODY PUB AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD THE WEDDING'S OFF..!! 

Luckily John was out of earshot, happily ensconced on his favourite bar stool with his favourite pint while Spot, teeth clenched, got his tummy tickled by the locals. Spot loves the pub, he thought contentedly, And I love Janet. 

Meanwhile, back at the Wendy House, Janet was curiously cutting the sleeves off John's favourite tweed jacket...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Janet and John Get Married

A fair few years passed, together with many loin-girding beers in the pub, before John plucked up enough Dutch courage to ask Janet again to marry him, given that last time hadn't quite gone according to plan. Janet had been a bit grumpy when he got back from the pub, it has to be said. Still, even when she was grumpy she looked pretty, especially in that apron and cooking those meals and washing those floors. It was worth having lost the sleeves on all his best suits. She really is my perfect wife, thought John wistfully, one fine day in July. There she was, hanging out his clean shirts on the line, the waft of Ariel and Lenor tickling his nostrils in the soft breeze: perhaps the chemicals went to his head, but he suddenly decided that This Was The Moment to try again.... Janet, he said, Will you marry me? You what?? she screeched. I've waited all these years for you to ask me again, you stupid pillock, and now you do it when I'm hanging out washing?!?! But you lo...
Read more

Once Upon A Time....

Once upon a time there was a girl called Janet and a boy called John. They were quite boring really but everybody seemed to love them. They played so much together when they were young that they were practically joined at the hip. Then one day, when they were big enough to know better, they were playing a game of Mummies and Daddies in the old plastic Wendy House in the garden. Janet was washing the dishes and John was sitting in the armchair watching when he was struck by a sudden thought. Why didn't he ask Janet to marry him? And then he would have someone to wash his dishes for the rest of his life. John did not like washing dishes. This seemed like a very whizzy idea. So he said:- Janet, will you marry me? Janet was annoyed that he was distracting her from this very serious task with such trivia and replied:- No, you lazy bastard. John was a bit disappointed for a few seconds then he looked at his watch and realised that it was time to go to the pub so it didn't ma...
Read more